Hard Times No More Relationship Podcast
Allesanda Tolomei- Hard A.K.A. Mrs. Hard of www.mrs-hard.com is your grounded, empathetic, compassionate wellness coach. She shares her experience to help you heal challenging personal and family relationship problems with tried-and-true methods to set healthy boundaries and detach with love.
If you are ready to experience fulfilling, meaningful connections you are in the right place. You can transform difficult relationships and find happiness without putting aside your needs or waiting for others to change. Let people-pleasing and codependence fall away and say goodbye to hard times for good.
Hard Times No More Relationship Podcast
Simple Tips For A Stress-Less Winter Season With Dr. Nina Beatie -Ep. 25
Remember those childhood pinky promises, swearing to always be friendsor never tell a secret?
Well, this week, we're bringing a grown-up version of this to tackle winter stress with Dr. Nina Beatie, and we'd love for you to be a part of it!
Dr. Beatie is not just a chiropractor; she's a true go-getter, always exploring and eager to get to the heart of any issue.
In this episode, Dr. Beatie shares insights from what she observes with her patients and draws from her personal experience in stress management.
During the winter of 2019, I thought it was a brilliant idea to train for a marathon.
Result?
A back injury. (I still can’t run without being reminded of it.)
Yep, not my brightest moment.
Dr. Beatie has her own tales of winter woes, which inspired our winter pact.
We realized we both had a knack for overdoing it during this season and needed to try something different.
Our rebellion against shorter days led to HIIT workouts, skiing, and ambitious New Year fitness resolutions. Sound familiar?
So, like two 8-year-olds, we created a winter pact—complete with a secret handshake—promising to slow down and be mindful of our bodies and the season.
Guess what?
It worked like magic.
No winter injuries AND a lot less stress!
Now, we're inviting you to join us.
>>>Listen to this week's episode to hear about THE WINTER PACT!<<<
Just tune in to the podcast episode, and after, let us know what you want to pledge.
A little community support goes a long way, right?
AND change is so much easier with buddies.
As a community, we can navigate the winter without stress-induced injuries.
Listen to our winter pact story, get inspired, and pledge to bring some nap times, self-love, and gentle letting go to your winter season.
Imagine spring with renewed energy—totally injury-free!
Can't wait to hear your thoughts and pledges!
Let me know on Instagram: Mrs.Hard_TimesNoMore
Or Facebook: Mrs.Hard
Find Dr. Nina Beatie @Nina.Beatie
As always, find free tools and resources at Mrs-Hard.com
Don't let anxiety control you any longer. Take the first step towards a joyful life without fear. Sign up for my free 3-day coaching series—Stepping Off The Chaos Roller Coaster: 3 Simple Steps For Anxiety Relief
Hi, I'm Alessandra Tolome hard, aka Mrs Hard, and this is Hard Times no More, a podcast for people who are tired of struggling with boundaries, people pleasing and relationship problems. I have overcome some hard times. Within three years, I stopped drinking, my mom died of cancer and my house burnt down in a California wildfire, and those are just the highlights. I have a lot of reasons to be miserable, but I'm not. The truth is, life was more challenging before these events happened. If you are tired of waiting for your circumstances to change to find happiness and peace of mind, you are in the right place. Join me as I share the tools I use and love to transform challenges into assets and interview others about their relationship journeys. Together, let's learn how to have a happy life full of healthy, meaningful relationships and say goodbye to hard times for good. Hey everyone, welcome to the hard times no more relationship podcast. I'm Alessandra Tolome hard, aka Mrs Hard, your host. I have a special announcement. If you are listening close to when this episode airs, know that I am taking a little holiday break. I practice what I preach and the holidays are crazy for me and my family. So after this episode, I'll be back in action after the first of the year. So happy early New Year's and I hope your holidays are wonderful, and today I'm absolutely thrilled to share my conversation with Dr Nina Beatty with you.
Speaker 1:Dr Nina Beatty is a seasoned chiropractor with over 30 years of experience. She's also a good friend of mine. Dr Beatty is not just a chiropractor, she's a go-getter. She's always exploring and eager to get to the heart of any issue with the body, the mind or the soul. Her active lifestyle, love for the outdoors and dedication to a joyful life truly shines through all that she does. Today I'm giving you a sneak peek into our winter pact. Like Dr Beatty, I've had my fair share of go-go-go. Without giving much thought to the natural cycles of the seasons, our winter pact is all about slowing down, embracing our own personal internal winter and letting go of stress, control and the relentless need to do it all. So come along with us as we share how this pact transformed our lives, especially our winters, helping us find peace in the simplicity of slowing down. So, without further ado, let's dive in. What do you see, is the most common thing? That like why people are hurting.
Speaker 2:Well, I definitely see overuse and posture and injuries. So I mean it starts with an injury and then posture, and then we overuse it, we don't pay attention, we don't slow down, and that's one part. And then there's this whole inflammation part that is pretty big and be a lot of different things that can be causing inflammation. So those are the two things I would say maybe a little genetics, but also then the internal part of people's healing. What's keeping them in chronic pain.
Speaker 1:Yeah, do you think the internal part fuels the external overdoing? Absolutely, I agree.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:And from what you've seen in patients or from your own experience, what do you think motivates that overdoing?
Speaker 2:Well, I think it depends on the person, because, you know, really this overdoing is, I would say, I'm going to say it's a small percent of my patient practice and even in the real world the overdoers are really like maybe 10%, 10 to 20% and it seems that most people don't move enough. You know they sit too much. That's most of my patients, but the most challenging of my patients to help them heal are the ones that are overdoing.
Speaker 1:Wow, what's fueling.
Speaker 2:That is so interesting. Person to person, that is very interesting.
Speaker 1:Are you able to put words to some of the reasons why people overdo?
Speaker 2:Well, I can certainly attest to my own reasons and I think a lot of them. If they're people who have been very active their whole life, then it's very easy to depend on your body and really rely on it. And if you've been an athlete, you've pushed through pain and that seems to be sort of a mode of operation and not also accepting ourselves for where we are with our state of body, if it's an injury, an old injury, but just accepting ourselves and doing what we can do where we are. And I think as athletes or as this overdoer population, we just want to distract a little bit and push through because it's fun. Yeah, it is so, but if we just pause, there's a lot of goodness to take in that little pause. It's not me, you don't have to do anything. Yeah, it's a whole different way of looking at it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I relate so much to that. As you know, we have had a winter pact, or was last year our first year that we did the winter pact? It was it was for me, because the two years prior I had injured myself during the winter time, because for me, with the shorter days and the higher level of social obligations and then all of the good food that comes with the holidays, I wanted to be very active and I would find myself like starting new intense workout routines. Like I decided to run a marathon one year and I was listening to David Goggins, who is an incredible athlete, runner, marathon person and then also he's very intense with mindset and my husband was in Fire Academy and him and his friends were listening to this guy and so I felt connected to them by listening to him and he runs ultra marathons and I decided on a whim that I wanted to run an ultra marathon and so I'd run for two hours after work at night and I didn't think this was insane behavior or that maybe I was not trying to feel my feelings or accept my body the way it was, or like I was overcompensating for like winter time feelings internally and then like all the food or like I don't know, but I ended up really injuring my back and it took me two years to recover from that and I honestly haven't been able to run the same way since and I looked at that as like insane behavior and that was the most insane behavior I had.
Speaker 1:But I saw that I had this pattern of doing it during the winter time because I'm a doer and I just don't like that feeling of feeling heavy in my body or slowing down and I don't always allow for that space in my life. And I'm starting to appreciate that space so much more because I see that when I do slow down and calm down, then that energy is available in the spring and the summer and it supports my body and then it's not this forced energy anymore, but it's more of like in a rising of the energy and then like riding a wave. For me in the past I've like tried to force something to happen more than really pay attention to that rhythm and trust that rhythm and like let go a little bit and ride that wave, wow.
Speaker 2:Now, I remember that now.
Speaker 2:That was well said all of it, what you experienced and where you've come with that. I mean, I have my own little story and, to kind of keep it short, I it was in 2006,. I had a 30 pound chunk of ice snow fall on my head and then slamming into the asphalt when I was walking, it fell off. A third story Dang, and that concussion caused me to go into early menopause at 42. And so, having a family history of breast cancer, I didn't go on any estrogen. So that started me into osteoporosis and I'm going to get to this because it's a part. It's all connected. So then fast forward that.
Speaker 2:That was winter, that was winter time, and I happened to get hit on the head because I was burned out, and so it's. It was a deeper meaning behind that that slowing down. It really did slow me down. And then fast forward to 2020, again winter time and the snow, and I was up skiing, you know, on the Rockhard Sierra cement, but kind of showing off low with my family, so excited and not really being mindful, and I did a tibial plateau fracture of my knee. Now I had osteoporosis. So then I was in a wheelchair for 10 weeks, so I lost 1% a week and then really I'm fully osteoporosis.
Speaker 2:So at the time we meant for our winter pact, it was really about really changing, like you said, the forcing, the pushing, the really going within. And when we met to kind of really remind our myself, our you were helping me too, like meditating and being mindful and about what I'm doing Not fearful though, but mindful, and it's been very helpful just to have someone else who connects, like we connected about this in different ways, but to be calmer and kind of let ourselves have a more sleep, maybe if we need it, and not beat ourselves up that we're not out. Yeah, so that is what I think brought us to this, because it was very impactful. Having this heavy duty, thinning of the bones creates a lot of fear.
Speaker 1:Yeah, was that 1% bone loss or was it muscle loss?
Speaker 2:1% bone loss per week.
Speaker 1:Oh, wow.
Speaker 2:In addition to the already so already osteoporosis state I was in from being off estrogen for an early menopause. Oh, wow so that really created this situation. That has made me very early at a very healthy, a very healthy body. I don't look like I have it, but so to be in this state where I've really had to change my ways.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and you and I both felt like the universe was whispering to us to slow down for a month to two months before our injuries actually happened, because we were both on empty when our major injuries happened and we had both had smaller injuries during the winter time and we both related and knew that we were checking out of our bodies, checking out of our feelings, that the universe was wanting us to be in alignment with the seasons, and we were like, yeah, that's nice, but I'd rather go 110% and ignore this whole seasonal thing. Exactly yeah, and I am so amazed with you and the journey you've been on correcting your own health, and like trying to discover what is beneath the surface and how you can address it through lifestyle, and like different methods you've learned about, like you are a wealth of knowledge. Well, thank you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but I've learned a lot from you really. I mean the piece you know there's so many pieces to what I'm working with and the and one of the big pieces You've helped me so much with is this emotional internal work. Really, that started with the Phoenix project with, and that was really learning about these behaviors that drive my injuries and what's underneath it. Where is it coming from? And working Through that and that's been so helpful. And and the one-on-one sessions. When I come up against Issues that are usually it's internal and and you've helped me through that, so that's been really, really helpful.
Speaker 2:But, yes, I do have a lot of other knowledge too.
Speaker 1:Yeah, thank you, nina.
Speaker 1:Yeah, for those who are gonna listen to this, the Phoenix project is a 28-day online group program that I created and it helps people learn tools the same tools I use to change and transform my crisis is life challenges, unhealthy relationships into more peace, calm, meaningful and fulfilling relationships, and I have been so excited about the transformation that I have experienced that I decided to create an online group program about that, and so that's what Nina is talking about with the Phoenix project, and I do intend on launching it again in 2024 more updates to come on that, but uh, yeah, I Know for myself personally for so long and it's easy for me to go back to this even where I really want an external solution only to my problems, and I have found what works for me is a blend of being proactive and doing positive external things, but not becoming obsessive about them and not only relying on the external but like really tapping into that internal, because what has felt so backwards to me but what I've seen in my life over and over again is when we clean house internally, when we understand our emotions and get to the root of our emotional issues or our Resentments or our fears, then the external world follows and even to this day, like when I experience Challenges that come up in my life, my brain's first thought is to just do external and to just control.
Speaker 1:But the universe usually shows me that that's not the way and that, like the internal, work is vital and a non-negotiable to like make it through whatever challenge is presenting itself, whether it's emotional or physical.
Speaker 2:Hmm, that is so true because really the pain, attention, like back to the physical part relating to the external and the internal, but that pain attention, the meditation, the daily meditation, really gets you in that place so that your life just flows from a physical level. Really the healing and all of what I'm going through. It just it goes so much smoother when you're meditating and writing and you've helped me with that too but just getting clear and clearing out and letting go and not be as controlling or aiming for perfection and a lot of these things that I'm talking about are from, that are my issues, but that lead to you know, not healing, or you know where you're, where you're headed on the, on the physical realm.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I feel like the things for me, even in my past I've underestimated, like the power of meditation. You know, taking 10 minutes out in the morning to meditate or meditating when I'm feeling overwhelmed, or listening to a guided meditation when I'm feeling overwhelmed, it's like, oh, that's too simple, like no, my, my solution should be much bigger than that. Or like writing and I love talking about like constructive journaling where, like you have a specific kind of set of questions that you're writing around or you know how to inquiry about what's really going on and get to those layers, versus like just rant writing, where we're just journaling like I hate this person, they made me mad, they did these things to me. Like love, alessandra, you know that's like not what I have found to be the most helpful. It's like the constructive journaling and it's so interesting because sometimes picking up that pen and putting it to paper, it feels so heavy. You know, like that's the last thing that my body and mind has have wanted to do at times, and I think that's like our sabotage ego that doesn't want us to heal. For some reason. It's so weird, it just wants to keep the status quo and so, taking that action to do the meditation, to do the writing.
Speaker 1:I think it's very natural to have blocks around that and it's like we have to for me. I pretend, like myself that doesn't want to do. It is like my child self and I'm the adult. I'm like all right, I know we don't want to do this right now, but we need to sit down and do it and you'll feel better once you do. And then I always feel better afterwards. I never write and then look back and be like I shouldn't have done that, like that was a bad move, or meditate Ah, that was a waste of time, like usually. It's actually the opposite. We're like oh, I feel so much better. Why didn't I do it sooner?
Speaker 2:Oh boy, isn't that the truth and I think that we need reminding. I think we go through phases. I try to meditate every day, but for example, in the Phoenix project it was that it was kind of a requirement that you do it, and you really saw how that daily work, it just the days unfolded and it is does get hard, and you do, and then you're not doing it and you see the results and then you say this is really, we got to get to that.
Speaker 2:Yeah to it. Yeah, even if the meditation is five minutes. I've even found I have that favorite meditation of yours that I love it, just it five minutes, and sometimes I can't, I barely listen to it and I'm like that was really bad, I was not meditating. So I'll do it again, but then the next day it's better. So just sometimes you take you kind of get off the off of it and then you get back in.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I feel I love how you talked about perfectionism, because it's so important that we don't beat ourselves up over those cycles, because we all experience those cycles where it's like easier and we're doing well for a while and usually we stop doing it as much because we actually feel really good and then we start feeling like crap again or something happens and then it takes a little bit for us to get back on track. But it doesn't mean that like we're bad, you know, for not doing it, it's just. It's just the cycle of life.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:So it's it, so that. So I would say really the, the winter pact. I think we did a sauna in there too we had. That was really nice because it was warm and I don't know. It just kind of was. It was a shock, shocking to our body, and we were kind of coming together in that kind of that darkness of the winter because we were. We love being active right In the high yeah being out in the summer.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and so because the winter pact works so well, last year, neither of us got injured, which was the whole goal. Yes, and we listened to our internal selves more and slowed down and did our best to slow down. We didn't have to do it perfectly, but we also held each other accountable, which was like really helpful. And anybody listening today can join our accountability, even if it's a different month or time of the year, and you're listening to this and this is just speaking to you and you need to slow down. You can join in on our accountability, but for us, what is our pact about this year? Like slowing down, but is there anything else in particular you would like to add to the pact? And then I'll consider and speak to anything I want to add.
Speaker 2:I think our intention, you know, I think just paying it. I guess paying attention is just the biggest thing, like paying attention to every little little thing, even if it's coming from your heart. Are you happy doing what you're doing and listening just to those little, that little voice? And that little voice might say oh, right now I don't feel like doing that, I'm going to go do this, and that choice may be the difference between an injury, so really having that intention to pay attention.
Speaker 1:I love that and like, maybe for me I would love to focus on that on like a daily, one day at a time kind of place where, like, if I feel like I need to work out or exercise or reach a certain goal, or even with work, I have to do this thing today. For me, that's all self-directed stuff. Usually I don't have someone who actually needs me to do the extra things. I create them myself because I love setting goals for myself and to maybe check in and be like is this first thought really right for me today? Is my body really ready to do this? Is my energy really here? Or is my body calling for a personal winter, which, when I say that, I mean like the letting go, like watching TV, laying on the floor, not doing anything. Or maybe I love the art that you do, like maybe doing something silly or playful that doesn't have like a purpose or like a goal attached to it.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, that's also really hard what you're saying, because it is so easy when you love that to be busy. So it's, how do you, how do you, when you're in those really moments where you want to not lay down or do art or whatever, how do you get yourself to? How do you get yourself to that point where you pay attention to that voice?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think that making this pact with you helps me slow down and like tune into that voice a little bit more and maybe consider whether my first thought is the right thought. And then also, I'm going to trust the universe to kind of tap me on the shoulder or whisper to me you know, hey, maybe this isn't what you should be doing right now. And because of this accountability factor, I'm like more likely to listen because I can't only rely on myself. I feel like trusting the universe to show up and give me a gentle tap instead of a slap upside the head is a way that it shows up for me, because I feel like I have a relationship with my higher power, relationship with something greater than me. So I like trust that that thing's going to give me a little tap before, because in the past, before I've injured myself, there have definitely been many signals.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. That is such a good point, trusting that higher power, and it does tap us on the shoulder. If you just pay attention, it's so right there when you're meditating in that good place it is. It guides you through the day.
Speaker 1:And so checking in with ourselves, slowing down will be part of our winter pact.
Speaker 2:Paying attention and being okay to. I think the biggest for us is it's okay to take a nap, it's okay to read when we should. We could be cleaning or doing something. So for me, not doing is huge. It's the. My biggest challenge is to sit down or do something that is not goal oriented work producing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, me too. I love that external validation that checks on the to-do list. Just get them checked off.
Speaker 2:So I think just giving ourselves permission to just do that is has been. I think it was. I did one of your healings with Dr Debbie and that was the result, too was I just took a big long nap and it felt so good and I've been working on a project that was I was so intent on I wasn't stopping. So it's that reminder in the winter, right now, just to give you know, permission and pay attention.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I love that, and for me, a structural thing that I want to make a pact on is to not incorporate any new exercises into my exercise routine.
Speaker 2:That is the truth boy, these new exercises and I'm telling you on our phones now just to say a little bit background there. I have gotten injured doing classes over my whole life and I think, new exercises I think at this time of the year or really anytime you really have to pay attention now to so many things when you're in a class or you're looking at your phone and exercise. If your body you start to get to know what isn't, isn't going to work, and jumping in because it looks good or popular is not necessarily a good idea.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah. And I remember last year during the winter I really wanted to try running again, because I go through periods of time where my back doesn't bother me anymore and I want to try running again. And so far I can't get very far before my back bothers me again and I promised myself that I wouldn't try running until March, after the first day of spring, and so this year I will recommit to that, even though I've been thinking about running again recently and commit to not doing it till spring time, because my body feels good and just enjoying that instead of needing to push that limit. And then, for me, I love lifting weights and so not increasing my weight by, I would say, more than like 10%. I'll just hang out there for the winter and just do my cycles and just pay attention to if my body is craving some less weightlifting, because I love the feeling of that.
Speaker 1:But if I'm not careful, it's easy to tweak something and then to allow ourselves to indulge and have fun around the holidays without guilt or like beating ourselves up afterwards. You know like I care a lot about what I put in my body, and I know that you do too, and sometimes that becomes like a boomerang and it turns against me, and the control around wanting to eat a certain way or wanting to be healthy, I think, causes stress that like almost mitigates the health benefits that I'm looking for, and so I think it's important to like give ourselves a break and not have to beat ourselves up afterwards and not have to like swing the other way to try to create balance by like overexercising or restricting or doing anything like that.
Speaker 2:I know you know it is the holidays and if you're on a strict diet I think it's really hard to. You need to have a little looseness in it to make it through without, like you said, going one extreme or the other and maybe having a day I don't know how strict you're with your diet, but right now but just allowing a little bit of pleasure in whatever you consider that to be.
Speaker 1:Yeah, during our social situations that I've been, my husband and I right now are seeing friends that we haven't seen in a long time because he just finished medics school and he hasn't socialized at all for the last 18 months, and so when we have dinner with friends or catch up with people or meet new people, I'm meeting some of his firefighter friends' wives and we're going to dinner. We're gonna do that tonight. That's where I like turn off the control or like the attention to detail, because I really love my energy level and I love having like a very solid high energy level and I achieve that through moving my body and food and taking care of myself. But for me it can't just be the external fix, the external focus on food. I have to do the internal work, especially around stress management, which I think for a long time I have completely underestimated.
Speaker 2:Yes, stress management for everybody is so individual too.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And that is huge. And I think it really depends on what you've been through too. What you've been through a lot, so levels of stress, and you've done a lot of work on yourself. But everybody is so different and some people kind of hide their stress too. Yeah, it's really easy to kind of do so. I think that is a really deep, that's a really interesting thing to realize.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, cause I was just having a conversation about it earlier today where I was talking to somebody about my stress management and they were like, oh you must you have no stress, it looks like, and I was like, well, actually that's not true. Like my relationship stress is like really great and like my interpersonal stress, like with other people, is wonderful, but it hides out in other areas and I feel like for me, the universe, like we'll put it in different spots and be like look at this opportunity to heal and do some work in this area and so, like it can, can hang out in funny ways and it takes a little bit of listening to find out.
Speaker 2:Oh, maybe my stress isn't as under control as I thought it was, you know, and I think that listening you know that just reminded me that being I'm listening and then having to be uncomfortable because that's when I really get to where I should be, when I'm dealing with certain things is a little uncomfortable, Like this is not fun, but that's where the work happens for me in getting to a better place, I see.
Speaker 1:I have 100% agree.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and just for today, can I be a little uncomfortable and get through this. Whatever it is, it's very important.
Speaker 1:Yeah, discomfort can be a good sign when it's the right kind of discomfort. There's like two kinds there's the universe making you uncomfortable because you're going the wrong direction, and then there's the discomfort of change that is like short lived, and then you feel so much better afterwards. But you're right, there's that like gray area where you got to write it out. As you're making changes and doing things differently, I feel like that's a very full winter pack.
Speaker 2:It is. I think we're gonna make it through the whole year with that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's not on brand for us to overdo, even in a winter pack.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, oh yeah, we'll find a way yeah.
Speaker 1:And so should we be till the first of spring. Yeah, first day of spring, I think so. It was like March 21st, yeah, and last year I feel like we checked in every two weeks.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that was about. It seemed like we did, we got together.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we went for a little walk, walks, yeah, yeah, we're gonna go for a walk after this.
Speaker 2:Our saunas are yeah, we love walks, our saunas. And for Simmons, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:I feel like that feels very full and, just to recap, it's letting ourselves do less, being less goal-oriented, not doing any new exercises, doing the internal work, and having like a personal winter, like really letting ourselves go internal and hibernate, and we know that the benefits of this will be that we'll reconnect with ourselves, we'll have more energy once the spring comes around and then we can be in that season, which is new things and being very out and active.
Speaker 2:Well, in Hapa Valley it's a little hard to go in. The darkness doesn't come much. I mean, look at today.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's amazing. It's gorgeous out.
Speaker 2:So but we're doing it. We are kind of pulling in with the winter and the darkness.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I love this Awesome, so to another winter without injury.
Speaker 2:All right.
Speaker 1:We're gonna choose to that and if you're listening, feel free to join us. You can reach out to me on Instagram. You can also reach out to Nita on Instagram. I'll put some links in the show notes. All right, well, we're gonna go for our walk. I hope you have a wonderful day, take care, bye-bye.