Hard Times No More Relationship Podcast
Allesanda Tolomei- Hard A.K.A. Mrs. Hard of www.mrs-hard.com is your grounded, empathetic, compassionate wellness coach. She shares her experience to help you heal challenging personal and family relationship problems with tried-and-true methods to set healthy boundaries and detach with love.
If you are ready to experience fulfilling, meaningful connections you are in the right place. You can transform difficult relationships and find happiness without putting aside your needs or waiting for others to change. Let people-pleasing and codependence fall away and say goodbye to hard times for good.
Hard Times No More Relationship Podcast
A Meditative Practice For People-Pleasers to Call in Abundance, Health, Wealth & Energy -Ep. 34
In this episode, we're diving deep into a transformative meditative practice (it’s not quite a meditation but has similar vibes) designed to help you call in abundance and release stress and chaos.
Because lately, things have been a bit crazy for myself and so many people I know. Mercury is almost out of retrograde but its impact is still lingering, and this may or may not have created a larger IRS bill for you than you expected, car trouble, your health insurance to end suddenly, a sprained ankle, your dog or cat to have some health problems, and the list goes on.
You may be feeling like it’s just been one thing after another.
It's essential to have tools to lean on to navigate these life storms. So that is what this podcast episode is all about.
In this episode, you’ll hear:
- How to find stability in the chaos and call in more energy when you are overwhelmed.
- The most important, single, actionable step you should take to create more stability in your life RIGHT NOW.
- Simple ways to lean into uncertainty and deepen your relationship with your higher power, cultivating trust in the universe's plan for you.
- How shifting your focus can ignite a ripple effect of abundance in your life, paving the way for profound transformation during tough times.
So, get ready to step into a world of abundance and call in health, wealth, and more energy through this transformative meditative practice.
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Or Facebook: Mrs.Hard
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Hi, I'm Alessandra Tolome Hard, aka Mrs Hard, and this is Hard Times no More, a podcast for people who are tired of struggling with boundaries, people-pleasing and relationship problems.
Speaker 1:I have overcome some hard times. Within three years, I stopped drinking, my mom died of cancer and my house burnt down in a California wildfire, and those are just the highlights. I have a lot of reasons to be miserable, but I'm not. The truth is, life was more challenging before these events happened. If you are tired of waiting for your circumstances to change to find happiness and peace of mind, you are in the right place. Join me as I share the tools I use in love to transform challenges into assets and interview others about their relationship journeys. Together, let's learn how to have a happy life full of healthy, meaningful relationships, and say goodbye to hard times for good. Hey there, welcome to the Hard Times no More Relationship Podcast.
Speaker 1:I'm Alessandra Tolomey Hart, aka Mrs Hart, your host. I don't know about you, but life has been a little crazy lately, and I've been talking to a lot of people who've been going through it, either financially or having some health things come up, experiencing grief and feeling overwhelmed or not quite themselves, and so that's why I decided to talk about calling in abundance, because when we feel challenged in our health, in our financial life and in our energy level, it's easy to feel unstable and it's really easy to fall into fear and feel like life is just throwing you one thing after another and that it's never going to end. And even when things do calm down, it can make you feel on edge, like you're waiting for the other shoe to drop because things have been tumultuous for a period of time. And, as people pleasers, when you find yourself overwhelmed, it can be more challenging to hold healthy boundaries, because healthy boundaries call on you to put yourself and your needs ahead of others. And your mind may be telling you that you don't have enough time, energy or money to care for yourself, that you don't have enough money to get a pedicure or to go to pro foot massage for 30 minutes. Those massages are super cheap and I have been addicted to them lately. I think I've gone two times in the last week and a half just to be present in my body instead of feeling stuck in my mind.
Speaker 1:But when you're overwhelmed, your inner narrative may be telling you that you don't have time to take for yourself, like maybe you love to take a morning to yourself once a week at your favorite coffee shop and just unwind and read a book. But when things are crazy, we often feel like we don't have enough time and so your mind might shut that down and be like, no, you can't do that this week, especially if your partner or family member is going through it too, because, like I said, I've been talking to a lot of people who've been going through it in one way or another, and so that means our family members are also going through it. And if you're somebody who likes to keep the peace and ease conflict, it's way more comfortable to focus on other people and trying to help support them, because that can make you feel like you're doing something. And it can be a little tricky because, as people pleasers, it's easy to use other people unconsciously to not have to deal with our own stuff. We don't have to look at what's going on for us, what's making us uncomfortable. So focusing on others can be a way of avoiding your own discomfort. Also, with so much going on in your life, it can be easier to focus on what's not going right instead of the things that are going well and feeling gratitude for the growth and stability you do have right now. But first I want to do a little check-in because, like I said, a lot has been going on and I have been experiencing some fatigue and different issues, but there has also been a lot of good things going on.
Speaker 1:First, I hosted a workshop about a week and a half ago from when this will be released. It was called the how to Be your Own Best Friend Workshop and, oh my God, I'm so grateful to the participants who came to that workshop and who shared so openly and shared, got vulnerable, and also they were so ready to do the work. And I took participants through three different practices. The first practice was focused on separating their inner critic from themselves. The second practice was focused on breaking down the limiting beliefs that the inner critic was telling them. And the third practice was a guided meditation in which they befriended and talked to their inner critic. And these were such powerful practices and what makes a workshop is who shows up and how they show up to the workshop. And these wonderful, wonderful women showed up, totally ready and open to do the work, and so everyone benefited and the connections were so deep with each other. And then the aha moments, realizing things that they had been dealing with for sometimes many, many years. Many people had those aha moments and they were incredibly powerful, and that is such a gift whenever I get to hold space and create structure for people to have those kinds of experiences, because so much healing takes place when we are open and when we do the work, the internal work that our soul is calling us to do. And so, oh my gosh, that was so amazing. I was so honored to be a part of that.
Speaker 1:And, speaking of events, leisha and I are hosting another movement and meditation class in May. More details to come. We haven't released the date yet, but we're going to host the class at the Garden, which is a new restaurant in downtown Napa. This restaurant has a retractable roof and hanging plants and it's just this amazing urban oasis, and it's going to be an incredible workout class with that kind of scenery, and they serve coffee, so you can get coffee before if you would like, and then they're going to host brunch afterwards, so then you can stay for brunch if you'd want to, and this class is going to be very similar to movement and meditation that we were hosting at Athleta, but instead of 45 minutes, it's going to be a full hour and 45 minutes of that hour will be led by Laisha.
Speaker 1:She'll take us through a energizing, heart-pumping workout routine and then the last 15 minutes will be led by yours truly, myself, mrs Hard, and I will give a short talk that will share some practices and tools with you about people pleasing, how to manage stress things we talk about here on the podcast and then I will lead a live group guided meditation. So you're going to get the yin and yang from the class between Leisha and I. You're going to get that high energy movement getting that body going, getting those endorphins going, and then, after breaking a sweat, I'll help you calm your mind and tap into your inner Zen with a deeply soothing meditation session. And the best part is these classes are fun, playful and in a supportive environment. And in a supportive environment and Leysha provides amazing modifications. So this workout class can really meet you where you're at. It's perfect for any level.
Speaker 1:So, like I said, more details will be coming soon about movement and meditation with yours truly and Leysha Ames. And, on top of all of that, this morning I just met with Dr Debbie Victoria seal. She's a chiropractor and clairvoyant healer and a very good friend of mine, and her and I will be hosting a half day retreat in June, and so there'll be more information to come about that, and there are going to be so many opportunities coming up for you to do the work in quotation marks the work meaning taking time to focus on what that little voice inside of you needs so you can feel deeply recharged, so that you can remind yourself that you are on the right path and that you are enough and you are doing enough, and so that you can feel confident in the direction you're heading in life and feel supported and understood. Because when we do group work, we realize we're not alone and we realize so many things about ourselves and we're able to heal so much faster because others are a reflection of ourselves. And so when we show up with our true, honest, vulnerable self and are around others who are on that same journey, doing the spiritual work, taking care of their mind, body and soul, amazing things happen, aha moments happen, because we're reflecting what we're experiencing and they're reflecting it back to us, and it's just this really magical energy bubble that happens, and so I'm so excited to bring you into the future energy bubbles that are going to be popping up around the new space and around NAFA downtown.
Speaker 1:So back to the topic cultivating health, wealth and energy. This topic brought to my mind a saying I love. Which is where your attention goes energy flows. So we're going to do some meditative work. This isn't a meditation, but some meditative work. I want you to take some time for contemplation so that you can call in the abundance you're craving, so that you can feel more stable and feel less lack in your life and less chaos, less distress. We're going to call in the good, good, abundant energy, and the first step to do that is to check in with yourself, because you can't change what you're not aware of.
Speaker 1:So I want you to check in and think about how you're feeling right now, especially in relationship to health, wealth and energy. What have you been paying attention to today? What has been running through your mind? Has your mind been in fear? Has it been pessimistic? What has it been saying to you? If you were to assign a narrative to it, if you are experiencing instability in health, wealth or energy, what does that look like for you?
Speaker 1:Have you not been yourself lately? Because your hormones are off or your anxiety has been higher than normal, and even though the universe has lightened up your workload, it has made you insecure about having enough money to pay all your bills, even though you know your health really needs the rest your bills, even though you know your health really needs the rest. Do you have a significant other or a family member who is relying on you financially so that they can pursue furthering their education and you're picking up extra time at work to bring in more money? Or have you been trying to operate at 110%, even though that little voice inside of you is begging you to slow down? And maybe there've been some other signs from the universe, like maybe you've pulled the muscle or been injured in one way or another or are getting several migraines in a row, because you feel like things aren't stable and now's not the time to take a break?
Speaker 1:It can be really hard to get out of fight or flight and settle into security, settle into abundance, when you don't feel like things are okay. I don't know if you've noticed, but it's often easier to keep moving because, in your mind, movement means you are doing something, even if it's not really helping the actual problem you're trying to solve. So I want to invite you to take a moment to bring some awareness to your current state because, like I just said, if you aren't aware, there's nothing you can do about it. Next, I want you to use your imagination and think about if you had a magic wand and you could wave it and anything was possible. What would you change about your life right now? What would you want more of? What would you want less of? And now I want you to focus on what came up that you want more of. Remember what we talked about. Where your attention goes, energy flows. So take a moment to just hold your mind's eye, your attention, on what you want more of in your life, and then I want you to consider if there is one simple action you can take to bring more of what you are craving into your life.
Speaker 1:If you are wanting to feel more healthy, can you start with having gratitude for the parts of your body and your health that are serving you? The body is such a complex system, so even if one system isn't working very well, there are so many other systems that are, and the body is always wanting to heal. Can you notice how your body is trying to heal itself? Maybe that is in the form of sending you messages to slow down. Can you decide on just one simple thing you can do to continue to support your body's healing process?
Speaker 1:Sometimes, when we want to fix something with our body, if you are like me you can go on overload pretty quickly and want to take all the supplements, change your diet, do all the things and you want results now. But what I have found is that if I just focus on one thing, it helps my stress level to not get out of control, and then it also keeps it very simple, very manageable, and don't underestimate the power of changing just one thing. Several months ago, my body got into a place that was feeling like very stagnant and it was affecting my ability to be productive, and so I started going for a one hour walk every day, and if I didn't have time for an hour walk, I would going for a one hour walk every day, and if I didn't have time for an hour walk, I would go for a 30 minute walk and that time outside and that one thing that I committed to do totally changed my health and it helped my stress level as well, just being outside. I recently read something about when you go for a walk, your eyes move side to side, and I don't know if you know this, but there's some neurological practices that, like when you close your eyes and you don't move your head and you just move your eyes side to side, it helps release the cranial nerves and it helps reset the nervous system. And when we're walking and our eyes are moving side to side, it's doing the same thing. It's resetting the nervous system, it's supporting the nervous system. And being outside, connecting with nature, can be deeply healing too.
Speaker 1:And another practice I started lately for indigestion has been to eat some ginger before a meal. And so that's like my one practice that I'm doing to help my energy level and help support my digestive fire, because your digestive fire helps support your mind, your focus, your mental clarity, and then it also, if you have good digestive fire, then you don't have as much bloating and you don't crave as much sugar, and for me, spice really helps with those things, and so that's been my one practice recently that has been really changing my energy level. So, like I said, it can be very powerful just to change one thing, not to do a complete overhaul. So what is one simple thing that you can do to support your body, one simple thing that you can do to support your body. Now, if you're feeling insecurity financially, do the same thing. Consider what is one thing that you want more of, what is the one simple action you can take to bring more of that into your life right now.
Speaker 1:If you're dealing with financial insecurity, you may be able to look back and see that money is not a linear thing. I can't tell you how many times when I've been financially insecure I've received $500 because I overpaid on my taxes, or I receive an opportunity to participate in a fun project that's going to earn me X amount of money and that perfectly works out so that I can pay rent. When you are deep in fear, it becomes way more challenging to see possibilities, because it becomes so much easier to focus on what isn't going right instead of shifting your mindset to focusing on possibilities and what is working well in your life right now. When feeling insecure, I love to remember what a woman who's mentored me for a long time says. She says that when we experience challenges, it is the universe calling us to trust it more, our higher power calling it to trust us more, whatever faith you have calling you to trust it more, and it's an opportunity to cultivate more faith, to cultivate more trust with whatever you believe in and with yourself.
Speaker 1:When I have low energy and feel like I overbooked myself, that I spread myself too thin, I'll take some time to have a little conversation with my higher power. And I will talk to my higher power and say all right, if you think I can do everything that's on my plate, I'll trust you, but if you think it's too much, please cancel some things for me. And then sometimes I get a few cancellations or I realize I've overcommitted and I ask for the courage to change my schedule so that I'm not as stressed. And usually there's just, you know, two or three glaring things that I regret saying yes to, and I know that if I just change those things, it will make the rest of my schedule flow more easily. And this is where people-pleasing becomes a challenge, because this is where you really need to put yourself and your wellbeing first and know that if you're spread too thin, you're too stressed, no one wins.
Speaker 1:This does not help the people you want to help. The real way that you help the people you want to help, the real way that you help the people you want to help, the true way is by honoring your energy level, because maybe you thought, oh, I'll have enough energy for this. And then the day came and, for whatever reason, you're not feeling your best. It is okay to change your mind and to postpone or cancel so that when you are showing up, you are showing up as your best self and you're truly able to serve those around you and they're experiencing the benefit of the full you. And that's when everyone wins. Otherwise, it can turn into resentment, stress and chaos and, as you may have realized, there are things in your life you can control and things that you can't. So see if you can notice which things in your life you can change to create a gentle shift that will create more abundance.
Speaker 1:And this practice may feel a little floaty, but I challenge you to try it, to really try it to either take some time on a walk or a long drive or maybe during a sitting meditation, to contemplate the questions we talked about today. And to recap, that is, to first check in with yourself right now, notice how you're feeling, notice what's been going on in your mind, create awareness and then ask yourself what would you want less of? Then to bring your attention to what you want more of in your life, because where your attention goes, energy flows. And then to think of one simple thing you can do, one simple step you can take to bring more of that into your life. And don't let your mind talk you out of it, telling you that you don't have enough time. You can barely take care of yourself and others right now. Don't listen to it.
Speaker 1:Really, make yourself a priority so that abundance can flow into your life, because this world is full of abundance and sometimes the only thing that is stopping us from receiving abundance is ourselves, in our mind state, in our fears. But I know you can do this. You can do this very simple thing. So if you do take some time to practice this and this exercise resonates with you, tell me what you think, tell me what you experienced. You can do that by sending me a DM on Instagram at mrshard underscore times no more. Or you can find me on Facebook at Alessandra Ptolemy Hard or Mrs Hard. I'll put a link in the show notes for you, and that's all I've got for you today. I hope you have an abundant rest of your day and that you feel more rejuvenated and hopeful and that you're going to shift your focus, if you were feeling stressed, to gratitude and abundance. All right, until next time, take care.