Hard Times No More Relationship Podcast
Allesanda Tolomei- Hard A.K.A. Mrs. Hard of www.mrs-hard.com is your grounded, empathetic, compassionate wellness coach. She shares her experience to help you heal challenging personal and family relationship problems with tried-and-true methods to set healthy boundaries and detach with love.
If you are ready to experience fulfilling, meaningful connections you are in the right place. You can transform difficult relationships and find happiness without putting aside your needs or waiting for others to change. Let people-pleasing and codependence fall away and say goodbye to hard times for good.
Hard Times No More Relationship Podcast
Finding Calm Amidst Chaos: Stress Relief and Spiritual Tools with Dr. Debbie- Ep. 43
In this episode, Allesanda Tolomei-Hard, a.k.a. Mrs. Hard, is joined by Dr. Debbie Victoria-Seale, an intuitive healer and holistic chiropractor. Together, they explore the powerful connection between your physical and spiritual selves, offering insights into how you can navigate the chaos of everyday life with greater calm and clarity.
Dr. Debbie shares her expertise on the importance of grounding and resetting your energy systems, especially during times of heightened stress and uncertainty. She explains how running your energy can help shift your body from a state of fight-or-flight to one of rest and digest, promoting both physical and spiritual well-being.
You will learn practical tools for incorporating moments of mindfulness and energy work into your daily routine, even if you have a jamp-packed busy schedule, causing stress and anxiety.
Dr. Debbie and Allesanda also discuss the significance of tuning into your body's needs and honoring the natural rhythms of life, particularly as we get ready to transition into the slower, more reflective season of fall.
Key Takeaways:
>> Grounding and Energy Reset: Discover simple yet powerful techniques to ground yourself and reset your energy throughout the day.
>> Managing Stress: Learn how to shift from a state of constant stress to one of relaxation and healing, using tools that align your physical and spiritual health.
>> Importance of the Parasympathetic State: Understand the value of taking short, intentional breaks to restore your energy and improve your overall well-being.
>> Spiritual Tools: Dr. Debbie introduces spiritual practices like cord cutting and energy running, which can help you clear negative energy and reconnect with your true self.
>> Preparing for Fall: Explore how the transition to fall is an ideal time to slow down, reflect, and prepare for the inner work that comes with the winter season.
Special Announcement:
Join Allesanda and Dr. Debbie for the Awaken Retreat on Saturday, October 5th, from 1:00 PM to 5:00 PM in downtown Napa. This retreat, focused on rest, restoration, and rejuvenation, will include a workshop led by Allesanda, a restorative yoga session with Jodi Shields, and a special spiritual healing class with Dr. Debbie on intuitive healing. Space is limited to eight participants, so be sure to sign up early to secure your spot!
Sign Up for the Awaken Retreat
Links Mentioned:
>> Dr. Debbie’s Website: https://drdvsdc.com/meet-dr-debbie
>>Follow Dr. Debbie on Instagram
DebbieVictoriaSeale Or Debbie_Victoria_Clairvoyant
>>Mrs. Hard’s Website: mrshard.com
>>Follow Allesanda on Instagram
Mrs.Hard_TimesNoMore
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Hi, I'm Alessandra Tolome Hard, aka Mrs Hard, and this is Hard Times no More, a podcast for people who are tired of struggling with boundaries, people-pleasing and relationship problems. I have overcome some hard times. Within three years, I stopped drinking, my mom died of cancer and my house burnt down in a California wildfire, and those are just the highlights. I have a lot of reasons to be miserable, but I'm not. The truth is, life was more challenging before these events happened. If you are tired of waiting for your circumstances to change to find happiness and peace of mind, you are in the right place. Join me as I share the tools I use in love to transform challenges into assets and interview others about their relationship journeys. Together, let's learn how to have a happy life full of healthy, meaningful relationships, and say goodbye to hard times for good. Hey there, welcome back to the Hard Times no More Relationship Podcast. I'm Alessandra Ptolemy-Hard, aka Mrs Hard, your host Today.
Speaker 1:I have a very special guest with me, the wonderful and incredible Dr Debbie Victoria-Seale. If you don't know, dr Debbie, she's been a regular on the podcast and she is an intuitive healer and holistic chiropractor. Today, we're going to discuss the overwhelming stress you may be feeling right now, whether it's from a fast-paced, busy life, the ongoing changes in the world around us, or just the daily grind pulling you in so many different directions. We're going to talk about practical ways you can ground yourself, reset your nervous system and find moments of peace amidst your crazy life. I'm also super excited to let you know about the Awaken Retreat. Yes, we hosted it back in June and we're doing it again Saturday, october 5th, from 1 to 5 pm.
Speaker 1:This version of the Awaken Retreat is going to be focused on rest, restoration and rejuvenation, and we're going to have Jodi Shields join us. She's going to lead a restorative yoga practice during our retreat. Together, the three of us will provide you with tools to reset and recharge as we transition into the quieter, more reflective season of fall. With only eight spots available, you're going to want to register as soon as possible, and you can find a link for that registration in the show notes. So, whether you're new to the concept of intuitive healing or are curious and looking for ways to deepen your existing practice, this episode is jam-packed with insights and practical advice that can make a huge difference in your life today. So get comfortable, take a deep breath and join us for this enlightening conversation. Let's dive in. So a lot of people seem very stressed out these days, my goodness.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's a big deal. Just you know a lot going on. There's a lot going on astrologically.
Speaker 1:What do you know about what lot going on? There's a lot going on astrologically.
Speaker 2:What do you know about what's going on astrologically Well, in that we're in a big time of change. All the chaos that we went through, if you think about, you know, even since COVID, like how much shift we've gone through. You know how much has changed shift we've gone through. You know how much has changed. I mean, a lot of us don't even remember what happened in 2020.
Speaker 2:And thinking about where we are now, how much we've grown and how much we've accomplished and how much we've changed for the better, and I think that we're coming into, I'm getting like these little glimpses of peace and calm and knowing, and also these little glimpses of synchronicity that are just like crazy, happening like all over the place. But you can't deny that you feel so stressed in your body and it's funny, it's exhausting and I feel like I'm having to rest more and more. I mean it could be my age, but I think you know everybody that I'm talking to is kind of feeling the same thing and I'm seeing that in my practice too. Everybody's kind of exhausted. But you know we make, do we get through? Get?
Speaker 1:through. Yeah, I think that feeling has me really excited for fall, to get ready and prepare for winter and the time of slowing down and going within. It's like I'm already craving it so much right now and I know a lot of other people are craving fall and I wonder if they're acknowledging that that's the reason because they're really craving that slowdown, even though energetically with like kids going back to school and all the shifting going on right now, I feel like a lot of people feel overwhelmed because they're very busy.
Speaker 2:Yeah true, true, true. There's a lot on our plates right now Because I think traditionally what I've seen in it feels like September has started earlier. It started in August for me this time and September is usually a very busy time of getting things done Like we really want to put our heads down, you know from summer, and really do stuff. Like we really want to put our heads down, you know from summer, and really do stuff. It's kind of like gathering all of our, you know, our nourishment, our nuts, you know, and storing those away. Yeah, and it's.
Speaker 2:The weather is. Even in the valley here the weather started to change, which is kind of nice, you know where we get a little more cooler, longer coolness in the morning and longer cooler in the evening. So that's nice too. But I agree with you that I think we're really starting to feel because we're exhausted, we're really starting to. Our bodies are craving that, you know, getting ready for that winter where we slow down and really honor that rest and quietness. But finding that that's a tough part right now is finding that peace and that space amidst the busyness. And I think that you know with what you and I do, we can help people with tools to find that peace and that quietness that we need to reset amidst all the chaos.
Speaker 1:Yeah, what do you do when you're pulled in those two different directions, where you know your body needs rest and reprieve from stress, but you're still feeling called to push and show up and do? What do you do for yourself?
Speaker 2:What I'm finding is that I really have to take those periods where I do have breaks and be very mindful about. Even when I'm in the office. I'll lay on the floor or lay on a table and turn off the music and turn off the lights and take like five or ten minutes to quiet myself and to meditate and run my energy and it really helps because, yeah, it's important and even small moments in between patients. You know where I teach people this fun one where you can just cup your hands over your eyes. You can do that unless you're driving. Put your hands over your eyes and cup around and close your eyelids, but look into the black and what it does is it resets your nervous system from fight or flight to rest and digest, and that's something that's important for us to do. A small tool that you can use very simply and very quickly.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think people underestimate the power of resting for five minutes. And what do you mean when you say run your energy?
Speaker 2:So running your energy is uh, it's um. We have access to pure universal energy and the pure energy of the earth and through tools, I teach people how to ground and run that earth energy, run that cosmic energy through your body and your chakras, which are your body's energy centers, so that you can cleanse and remove any energy that's not yours, because when we're going along our day we oftentimes take in stuff that's not ours. It's kind of like putting the wrong kind of fuel in your tank, putting in diesel when you really need gasoline. So what we're doing is we're using these pure energies to kind of give our body a detox, and because we're not only physical, we are spiritual as well, this is a good way to reset both of those things. And then your nervous system gets reset too, because you're focusing on just allowing and owning that space for yourself. So neurologically, you're calming everything down.
Speaker 2:Like I said, you go from fight or flight to rest and digest. Now, when we're in fight or flight, you know, oftentimes we're in that sympathetic overload and we're not meant to be in that. We're meant to run the parasympathetic system as our dominant system as we're going along life and we get so stressed out, we're caffeinated. We're running around, we're looking at the five different things we have to do. They've got to pick up the kids, and then I've got to get them, and I got to feed them and then they got, you know, practice. And then we got to get back. You know we got to get to.
Speaker 2:So all of this stuff puts us in fight or flight, like we feel like we're being chased by the tiger all the time, even though we don't recognize it, and then we're just exhausted. So what we want to do is take those small moments to run your energy to reset not only your nervous system but your spiritual, basically your spirit's energy system. So it's kind of like it's akin to the nervous system, which is kind of exciting for me because of course, I'm a chiropractor, so I see those two intersect at the nexus of the spine and it's really important to learn how to run those energies and it's a very simple visualization but it's very powerful. So I do a class called meditation and that's where you learn how to run those core fuels in your body and very simply, and it helps you reset. It's like a nap. It's really wonderful and it's been proven that meditating and running your energy really does reset your nervous system, so it's beneficial.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I find that it's so helpful if I'm having a day where, like, I didn't sleep all the the night before or I've had a lot on my plate, to take those like little mini breaks through the day. But I've had to like train myself that it's okay to take that time to pause because you need it most when you have so many things on your to do list, so many maybe even people calling for your energy and your attention, and so your mind initially will tell you you know you're already short on time, you don't have the space to do that, but it's just five minutes and when you do that it's like you actually create more time and more space in your life in a very short amount of time, because then you have more energy for yourself so you can show up more like your full self and be present and remind yourself to do your best to stop rushing, because I mean, let's be honest, like we try our best. But if you have those little checks through the day, I like to do it in the morning and then like right after lunch is a great time and then after work to cleanse whatever energy came up between me and my clients through our sessions, because I love how you've taught me that people are kind of plugging in to your energy and it's not something bad or something wrong. It's something that we all do energetically as people. But that cord cutting can be so beneficial.
Speaker 1:And even doing that cord cutting with the people we love like I do it with my husband daily, like I do an energetic cord cutting, or if there's somebody who I keep thinking about, who keeps on coming to mind, whether it's a client or a friend I do an energetic cord cutting because that's telling me that they're in my space and it's just something that happens.
Speaker 1:And so it's like you're saying, like this cleansing kind of like brushing your teeth and starting all over so that you can feel your own energy in your own space.
Speaker 1:And I love how you've taught me how to feel my own energy and recognize my own energy, because that has that's where our power is in, like our own energy. And I was just talking about this with a client earlier, how I used to think that to be connected with others, I needed to be in their stuff, like I needed to be overgiving and over attached to what was going on in their lives and how they were feeling and what they were thinking about me and all of this complication where really I was just wanting connection with them. And so that's why I was too involved and I thought if I wasn't as involved I would lose that connection. But actually, by connecting to myself more and connecting to my higher power and finding my worth and my energy within that space made the connection so much clearer and more healthy and more supportive, and then it strengthened the connection which was, it felt, so backwards. I thought the connection would be from being too involved, but it's actually from like stepping back and being in your own space, knowing your own energy.
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely, moms and healers, we all do that. You know business owners. We do that because we want people to see the value in what we do. We want to be important to you in some way, so we all think that that's what we need to do. But the interesting thing is is when you work on yourself, when you heal yourself, when you find your own space, that's where others can match that energy and find their own space and you find it's a much more coherent relationship and it's clear, our boundaries are clear, and it's so much more rewarding for each of us.
Speaker 2:And that's hard to understand as a healer because, like you said, we want to fix everybody, we want to make sure they're okay. We want to make sure that you know. We know that they're not okay and how can we help you fix that? And really it's it's. You turn that mirror in on yourself and you heal yourself first, and that's what working with energy is and working on a spiritual level is is. It's about healing yourself. And we think that you know we get into this because we want to help others, but the best way to help others is to help ourselves.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and you really don't understand that until you start working with people, and I have this one client and she just gets exhausted when she works with people, and so we're working now for her to learn and she's done all kinds of other spiritual work but I'm teaching her this very simple method to find her own space, to run her own energy so she can be with clients while she's healing herself and helping them on a business level, but they're able to heal themselves. So that's the funny thing that happens in those relationships and that's what you're good at, Alessandra is showing people that in order to be in a relationship, you heal yourself. And that's exactly what I do is I help people heal themselves in their body and spiritually. So it's interesting, to say the least. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that took a while for me to learn that detachment with others. And then, in my practice, like empowering others to recognize their ability to heal, that they don't need me to heal, that it's happening within them and I feel like people whether it's getting on the table for massage or coaching, like it's almost like they created me to come into their life and then they're using me as like what they need to facilitate their own healing. And so it's important to have practitioners and people you trust in your life, but to not make that person the guru or the person that you have to have to find your own healing, especially when you recognize that what you're putting out there and what you're receiving from the other people is coming from within, in the internal journey.
Speaker 2:Right, it's funny, we don't need those practitioners and healers, but we do, because they help reflect what we need to heal. And that's the interesting thing about spiritual work and even just being mindful, is you draw to you what you need to heal and so that practitioner also is going to be the that has similar things to you going on, but on, maybe on a little with a little bit different flavor. So it's interesting how we choose the people that we want to help us heal as well, because they are on the same path that we are, and that's that's a really interesting thing, because we think, oh, she's really good, because you know she's a great chiropractor and you know she does things exactly how I want them. But you know I'm going through these same things that you are, and so are all the other people. In the practice they're going on the same thing. So we have this.
Speaker 2:It's kind of like we're all healing together and it's really cool when that happens because we're lifting each other up, and that's what true healing is, and that's why we're here. Right Is, we're here to interact, we're here to have relationships so that we can see reflected in other people where we want to heal ourselves, where we have healed who we are, who we want to be, who we don't want to be. That's why relationships are so powerful is because they reflect those things for us and it allows us to become more of who we are, who we truly are, which is always there. It's like you're just uncovering the mud. You're taking all these layers off. You know peeling the onion, as they say, taking all these layers off, you know peeling the onion, as they say. So it's kind of exciting to see.
Speaker 2:And then when you start seeing more and more people come into your life whether it's meeting people or meeting old friends or things like that, these little synchronicities are miracles that happen and we see, oh, that person came into my life and oh, now I see the pattern that's going on. So then you can be mindful, you can start to journal about it, you can start to run your energy about it, you can clear pictures and traumas and patterns, and that's where we get to take that step up. And then you're at the next level. So we're here and on this earth school, in this physical body, having a spiritual experience. So that's what Alessandra and I are here to help you with and each other.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I've been thinking about that a lot lately, like because I've been trying to be a lot more conscious about, like, what I'm thinking and what I'm paying attention to and where my energy is going, and I find that daily, moment by moment, the universe is sending me signals about where I'm at. Like some of them are very affirmative, like you're on the right path, you're doing the right thing, because I'll receive a book that just is in complete alignment with something that I was curious about. Or I'll have a client call or tell me that they had an experience like an aha, awakening moment. Or they listened to one of the podcasts I recorded and heard exactly what they needed to hear. And those are all like very positive, affirming things of like you're on the right path, you're doing what is lighting you up and you're getting that reflection from others that it's lighting them up and making them feel very joyful. But then the opposite. I have to honor to that if I go into my day and it feels like one thing after another is happening, I have to take a step back and be like okay, I have to take a step back and be like okay, what is going on within me that is causing a riff and it doesn't mean like oh, you're bad and like this is your fault and your responsibility. It's more like okay, where's the hiccup? Like what part needs more nurturing, or needs to be seen or needs to lie down on the floor for five minutes, or needs to be nourished, or needs to lie down on the floor for five minutes, or needs to be nourished, or needs to call a friend or needs to work.
Speaker 1:Through the argument I had with my husband last night, you know, like what is going on, what is showing up that needs some attention, so that I can start the day over, even if it's noon. You know, like, if I see, sometimes it makes me sad for people when they feel like because their day is off to a challenging momentum, that that's just going to continue through their day and they don't really get to restart till the next day. But you can restart at any moment, absolutely, and when you meditate you're reducing your resistance. You're reducing your resistance. You're kind of letting those, you're letting the momentum around your thoughts go, and when you release that momentum, you make way for a new momentum to show up or to intentionally create new momentum.
Speaker 1:What I've been really enjoying doing lately is meditating and then having a couple of positive affirmations to bring in after I start meditating, because I've let the resistance down past. That correlates with that positive affirmation, because when we remember that, our body and our brain lights up as if it's happening right now. And then we have the system that I'm really excited about. I talked about it on the last podcast. It's called the RAS Reticular Analytic System, and what it does is it looks for things in the environment. It filters the environment to prove whatever you're paying attention to, and so if you're feeling a lot of anxiety, it's going to look for things, to be aware of things, to make sure that you're avoiding or threats where if you're feeling a lot of joy and appreciation, then it's going to look for more of that in your environment.
Speaker 1:Exactly. It's going to notice that person's smile. It's going to notice how this little kid is running around having the time of their life, where, if you're stressed, you might be like, oh my gosh, this kid is so annoying right now, right, right, right, yeah.
Speaker 2:So in the spirit world we call that matches. So what happens is we you know the energy that we are that's in the forefront of our space, basically how we're holding ourselves we're going to be a magnet for those experiences. So, like you said, if you're having, if you're very angry, then you're going to draw more of those pictures in, or those experiences, in those people, in those situations that are going to make you angrier. So those little resets help. And I wanted to go back to that because you know, I've I've been doing this for 30 years. I've been a chiropractor and um, for that long gosh, it sounds so long, it is long, um.
Speaker 2:But you know, I still forget the things that I need to do. And what I did one day is I wrote down the tools that I have on a sheet of paper, um, so that I can and I keep it at my desk and in the office and I can run through those things. Did I ground myself? Did I run my energy? Did I close my eyes and take a few deep breaths Having those tools? Because when you're in that energy of chaos, whatever it is, we forget how to. That's why I was going to ask you you know what do you do and how did you get yourself out of those, those places where we spin and we get stuck in that energy? You know, I know that we can. You can run your energy and and I want to teach you a really simple tool right now, before we go back. But remember that question.
Speaker 2:I remember it, a really simple tool that I have that helps people, because I can't remember who it was, but somebody was telling me. You know, I can't remember who it was, but somebody was telling me. You know, I feel so like afraid or I feel so anxious or I feel so like unsure. Changing your energy is a matter of physics. It's really simple and most of the time when we're feeling that stuck energy, that place where we just can't get out of the loop, we're lit up in our lower chakras. Most of the time it's first, second or third is you want to physically lift your energy up above your head, and a good way to remember that is look at a tree. What does a tree do? They put their roots down and they reach up for the sun. And that's what you do when you physically lift your energy from your lower chakras up to the upper ones, which are. Fourth chak is about loving yourself. Fifth chakra is about communicating your truth. Sixth chakra is about seeing and owning your truth. And seventh chakra is about all that is your understanding of knowing that connection to the universe. So when you bring your energy physically, bring your energy up higher, it shifts.
Speaker 2:So try that next time you're feeling sad or lonely or anxious or fearful, just try that simple tool of lifting your energy up. It's a very simple one, but it will just shift it and then take a couple of breaths to take you out of that fight or flight. There's one that helps reset your vagus nerve very simply you take a deep breath and then you take another little breath on top of it and you hold it and then blow it out through your mouth. So that big breath and then that little breath to just top up and then breathe out slowly, that will help reset you from sympathetic back to parasympathetic. So stop having that tiger run after you, stop being always ready for a fight. Rest and digest is where we do healing, where that should be our normal way of being. So I want you to go back and ask you how do you manifest those? Because it's easy to say, oh yeah, this is what I do, but how do you get there? How do you start to shift your life in that direction?
Speaker 1:I hear what you're saying and I think there's two answers, because there's the longer journey and then there's the day-to-day Right. So the longer journey. For me, writing has been a really big part of that, and there's a difference between what I call rant writing, where it's like dear journal, today has sucked. Everything bad is happening. Love Alessandra.
Speaker 1:You know and you go into detail about that and it feels good initially because you're just dumping and you know you're dumping and releasing some of it but you're not really doing anything constructive with it. And then what I love to do is constructive journaling and I've been taught a series of methods by different practitioners, coaches, mentors. I'm anxious and if I'm going through it and that has helped in the day-to-day and the longer journey. But the longer journey has looked like getting guidance from someone who's gone through hard things that I relate to and doing what you know, doing what they've done and so they've taught me practices. So like writing, talking to other people who've been through it and hearing that they're on the other side of it, hearing what they did to get on the other side of it, and usually it's like being of service to others but also being in service to yourself, cultivating self-love, really getting in touch with your own worthiness, and that has to do with unwinding what I call limiting beliefs, which are beliefs that are keeping you stuck, and they come from a place like I was talking about with a client earlier. There was this time when I was a little kid and my family was getting ready to go to Disneyland in a couple of days, and then, two days before we were supposed to leave, my mom told me we weren't going to Disneyland, that my parents couldn't afford it and that they needed to stay and work. And I felt so disappointed that I promised myself I would never get my hopes up like that again, because I did not want to feel this feeling. And the most important part of that statement is, I did not want to feel that feeling ever again. And so when good things would come into my life that I could get excited about, there would be a part of me that felt reserved, of like we don't know if this is really going to happen, so we shouldn't get that excited about it. And I didn't realize till doing some internal work with somebody who's asking you, you know, like, what is this bringing up for you? Where do you think this came from? Do you think it's true? I was able to remember that time in that situation and see like, oh, this is what. This is part of the reason why I was waiting for the other shoe to drop all the time. This is part of the reason why I wasn't letting myself really sink in and enjoy the moment, because I was thinking, you know, if it's too good to be true, I'm probably going to get disappointed if I get too wrapped up into this.
Speaker 1:And I remember believing that in relationships. I remember believing that with like job opportunities in many areas of my life and then connecting to something greater than myself and learning to have a relationship with that greater thing has been such a pivotal part of my longer journey recovering from alcoholism, recovering from losing my mom to cancer, recovering from losing my house in the 2017 fires like that connection, that trust, that relationship with a higher power, because that helps me remember I'm not in control and I'm not alone. And it's a relationship and I stress that word so strongly because it's a conversation, a dialogue that happens daily and that it's a building of trust. I grew up Catholic and I did not like religion for a very long time and I knew I was spiritual and I have like quotation marks around spiritual for a long time, cause I was just like dipping my toe in and out, in and out whenever it felt fun. You know, like I'm going to go to this meditation retreat, I'm going to meditate sometimes, and like I didn't have a strong practice until I decided to stop drinking and really started focusing on this spiritual path and the connection with my higher power. That relationship has been like a hey, I really need help right now with this thing. Show me what to do. It's that open-ended like show me, I don't know how to handle this by myself. Show me support. And then watching as support shows up and that's part of that RAS system too it's like tapping into okay, support, where can I see support? And then my brain starts filtering Okay, look around you.
Speaker 1:In my experience, before these really challenging events happened, I was the most depressed, the most in self-pity, the most anxious, and I had the opportunity for support, but I just couldn't get there. I couldn't see it because I was believing that life would always be really hard and I had to have a spiritual shift, a spiritual awakening in which I relied on something outside of myself and then was willing to risk the pain my mind told me I would have if I got close to people and they disappointed me. I was willing to try something different. Writing hasn't always been easy for me or comfortable. For a long time. For several years, it was like the last thing I wanted to do, and then I had to be honest with somebody else and share what was really going on with me, to receive that support and receive that healing.
Speaker 1:And that is the lifelong practice that continues to happen, that peeling back the layers of fear, the looking within instead of outside of myself for validation. And then what that looks like daily is having the courage to put my needs first, because still to this day, I will believe, I don't have enough time and I don't have enough space to do whatever I need to do if I'm stuck in that chaos. But at least now I'm able to say, like is that really true? Because you're pretty tired right now. Like, does everything really need to happen today? And usually I can kind of have an internal conversation with myself and be like, well, it wouldn't be the end of the world if it happened tomorrow.
Speaker 1:And even though it's not perfect, letting go of that perfectionism, it will be okay, and it's best for what I need right now, Like I wouldn't treat my best friend this way and expect my best friend to overextend herself when she's completely depleted. And so why would I expect that of myself and what I've been finding? Because it's that like trial and trust, you know, like try it out. I'm not saying go in this blind, but what I've been doing is I've been, if I feel that way, I've been taking like a whole day off from online work because I had all these online emails, posts, different things that I thought I needed to do that day and saying you know what, everything's going to be better if I try it when I have more energy.
Speaker 1:I'm going to just rest today, and sometimes that looks like binging Netflix for like three hours and taking a nap in the middle of the day and then the next day I try again and I try to fit those things into my schedule with appropriate expectations and it's working out Like sometimes I release a podcast two days later than I would have, but it's a much better podcast.
Speaker 2:Right, who's going to know that it was two days late?
Speaker 1:I know I'm really good at setting these unattainable expectations of myself and then getting upset at myself for not following through with them, when no one else has these expectations or is even aware that these rules are in place.
Speaker 2:Yeah Well, let's talk about perfection, since that seems to be coming up. Think that we, especially as women, as healers, we put these expectations of perfection on who we are and what we do, and we're not worthy unless we get it done perfectly and right. And you know, dot the I's and cross the T's, I mean it's the ultimate, karen, as they say, which I hate to say that, but those ideas are not conducive to trust. And you were talking about that your primary relationship, we call it, with the supreme being, which is the universe, god. You know, I too was raised Catholic and thinking God does not hate me because I'm not perfect. I know that for sure. You know I would have to make up stuff when I was a kid to go to confession. I stole a pen off my mom's dresser, you know, oh good. You know, send 10 Hail Marys, oh my God. You know.
Speaker 2:So what the work that we're both doing now really helps us let go of that perfection and trust in divine timing. We are connected to that, we're co-creators in that, and that's the thing we don't realize. So running your energy, journaling, with prompts that are helpful for you to move along, really help us get to this place of being. It sounds kind of silly, but being at one with this peace and this trust so we can draw into our lives the things that we want to create, rather than having to work so hard that we're completely exhausted. You know, and I understand, it's different when you have kids. I mean, that's a whole different lifestyle and I know that you know your mom's out there going, yeah, but you know what about when the kids are screaming at me that kind of thing? Yeah, I understand those. Those are, we are physical beings and we do need to take care of those kids and get them fed right, get them to school, get them to a soccer practice and all of that. Um but um. You know, we can find the joy in those moments and even in the breaths where we're at the stop sign and we're remembering who we are and remembering that we do have that fuel of the universe driving us into that beauty which is not perfection, it's perfection creating without these boundaries and these limitations on them.
Speaker 2:If I am just perfect, then people will love me. If I make everything look exactly how it needs to be, nothing bad will happen. It's kind of like you holding back that emotion when you were a child and I can relate to that. I never asked for a lot because I was the oldest of six and I thought, oh, if I ask for more, there's not going to be enough for everybody else. And you know, I've got all these brothers and sisters I'm supposed to take care of.
Speaker 2:And you know, that went really quickly because I realized, you know, I can't fix everything for everybody and it's hard as a child and as a caretaker you think I'm not doing enough, I'm not being perfect enough, and when you let go of that level of perfection, you can really just be present with the creation and creating on that level of limitlessness. But there's a partnership. You don't feel alone when you're connected to the universe. You feel like there's a trust there, there's a grace there and really resting in that peace. And that's what journaling, that's what running your energy, that's what meditation does, is helping us let go of all of these limitations that we think we need to be perfect. We need to create this exactly in the way that so-and-so said, or that your head says that you need to create, because your mother and your pastor and your husband and your friends said that you're not perfect unless you get the exact right designer and you're only driving the absolute best car and you're only wearing the perfect things that all the celebrities are wearing.
Speaker 2:The truth lies inside of us and we are that limitlessness, and that's the cool thing. We don't realize that we are just like nature. We are just like you know, when you're standing at the ocean and you see the vastness of the waves and your feet are in the sand and the sun is shining down on you and you just feel like lost in this. That's who we are. But on a day-to-day basis, when we have to get dinner on the table and we have to make sure we get up in time to get to work and we have all this paperwork to do, what I want to remind you to do is that we have these tools and that's what Alessandra and I are always focused on teaching you these tools, and I know I've learned these things over and over and over again, but how I remember them is by repetition.
Speaker 2:So you'll hear us say some of the same things that we might've said on another podcast, that we might've said in a workshop, that we might've said one-to-one when you came into our offices, but it's a reminder to remember who we are, and that's the joy. It's going to make me cry, that's the joy of being human, that's why we're here, that's why we're physical bodies having a spiritual experience. It's so powerful and it sounds goofy, but it is goofy and it's wonderful. It's beautiful, it's the best of everything, and it allows us to live fuller in our lives, even for just 10 minutes, until we get into the next thing. And then we're all stuck again and tired and exhausted, and so we go and take a nap and then we come back and we run our energy and then we set time later before we go to bed to work on that journal prompt so that we can do it all over again. Because that's what life is ago. And you know I think about. You know, I've lost people in my life before. But you know, when you lose your mother, it's so primary, it's so primal that you really think about your life and think about how you're living your life and what does this all mean? And exactly that. You know the things that she appreciated at the end.
Speaker 2:I used to drive her around in the car because that's all she could do anymore. You know, oh, mom, I'm going to go to the store. Oh, let me go with you, I'll go for a ride. So she would, just in the middle of me driving down the street she'd go oh my God, look at that. I'm like mom, what she says, that lemon bush is so beautiful. Or she'd scream the clouds, the clouds. Oh my goodness, look at the clouds. She was living in the moment. She was just realizing that beauty that she's a part of. You are those clouds. You are that lemon bush, you are your life, and that's where the beauty comes in, that's where the present time comes in.
Speaker 2:Is that grace? And to me that is the supreme being, that is God, that love, that connection that we have with each other, that beauty in the moment, even of the things that somebody else has brought into their life or into this life, is a miracle. Everything you look around and everything somebody created, you go oh my gosh, how did they do that? You know that's beauty and it's all around us to remind us. You know. So remember those trees. When you see the trees, every time you see a tree now I want you to think bring your energy up, get grounded, put your roots down and bring your energy up. Get grounded, put your roots down and bring your energy up. That one little thing is going to help you stay connected to that grace. I love that. Yeah, it's a really easy remembrance because you look out the window, you know, and it's neurologically it's been proven that it will take you out of fight or flight.
Speaker 1:When you talk about bringing your energy up, what do you visualize?
Speaker 2:I visualize. Well, physically, instead of looking down, I'll look up and I'll think about just rising up. That's what I think about. I mean, I've been doing this for a long time, so I know what it means. But for you, just bring your energy, your focus, your attention up, higher, up above your head. That's what you want to think. Just like a tree look up at the leaves reaching for the sun. That's what you do to physically lift your energy up. Yeah, it's a really simple one to remember and a great tool, and you're going to forget it, and that's okay. We'll remind you again, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I love how you talked about like things being goofy, like we get so stuck in oh, black and white, you know, got to get X, y, z, to-do list kind of thing done Instead of like remembering what it's like to be curious and be a kid and have fun and to think something is hilarious or to laugh at yourself.
Speaker 2:Yes, so that, funny enough, is the highest spiritual energy that you can be. We call it amusement and that is laughing at ourselves and realizing this whole thing is goofy, really. It's okay. You don't have to color within the lines. Make it purple, you know. Make that elephant purple. Make the giraffe have squares instead of spots, it doesn't matter.
Speaker 2:That allows you to be in that limitlessness, that playfulness, and if you do something fun for yourself every day, it helps. I mean, put on some music and just dance like they say. Dance like nobody's watching, right, sing at the top of your lungs. When you're in your car, at a stoplight, just make sure your windows are rolled up or leave your windows down, and the other people will look at you and shake their head and go, wow, that person's goofy. And you're, yeah, yeah, I am. You know.
Speaker 2:Be in that place of childlike, watch a kid. That's why it's so fun to be around children, when you can sit there and watch them play, or babies, is because they have that inherent playfulness and it really is just about letting go and allowing yourself to let go of all those limitations, those, you know, all that shroud we put around us. It keeps us locked in. Think of it as a straitjacket, that perfection, that adult. You know, sometimes we don't want to be that. And when you say I don't want to adult today, you know I hear my younger friends saying that that means you need a little bit of playfulness in your life. Go sit on the swings. That does it for me. You know. Sit on the swings. So yeah, what do you?
Speaker 1:do to get goofy? Oh, definitely dancing by myself, yeah, yeah. And then, like, if I'm on a walk sometimes and listening to music, I'll start like dancing while I'm walking, there you go and dance is definitely my top favorite, yeah, and then listening to comedians helps me, and then just laughing at myself sometimes, like the seriousness at which I take things in my life, like being able to laugh at like oh, we're so serious about this, right, exactly, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I caught myself doing that the other day. So one of the things I do for myself and now that I'm semi-retired is I'm sewing, and so what I do to get myself out of that perfection is I talk to myself and then I just say, ah, silly girl, that doesn't work, let's do it all over again. Oh, this is fun, cause I get to use my sea river. You know, I have these goofy conversations with myself. Nobody's home, so I can, I can do that, and then I sing, you know, at the top of my lungs cause nobody's home, and uh, and it's fun, rather than get frustrated and you know not to say that I don't get frustrated, but this is a fun thing that I do to kind of keep myself in that goofy, fun, creative space.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and for me it's sometimes new things and even like really little new things, like, for example, I was making tomato pie last night, which I'm like obsessed with making tomato pie. I'll share the recipe with you later. And I had this idea. I was like I think a Cuisinart can grade cheese a food processor.
Speaker 1:I never knew that, and so then I looked for the attachment and then, like I had so much fun grading cheese and I was like this is amazing.
Speaker 1:And then I saw you can like slice vegetables with it too, and it's like my mind has been blown.
Speaker 1:But like this is like very common for me, like, uh, I like have a little bit of like attention. Not, I don't pay attention as clearly as some other people do, but it's really fun that I don't, because, like I in my car, when I got, uh the car that I have now, I bought it used and I'm not somebody who will like read through the instruction book. I'll just like kind of figure it out as I go along, and every time my husband would get in the car he would figure out all these new things my car does and I would be like completely impressed. Yeah, and like so many things happen daily where, like he'll be like, yeah, you do it like this or you do this one thing, and I will just be like blown away by like, oh my gosh, the simple thing that's been in my life for so long does these other things and uh, just allowing myself to get like really excited about those things, about the joy and wonder.
Speaker 2:That's that amusement. Like a child, you know that playfulness, like wow, I learned something new. It's so your smile is open. It's just like.
Speaker 1:I don't think people understand like the fascination that happens, that like I genuinely feel on such a deep level, like when I learn something new, and it's so simple, absolutely, yeah, it's my favorite, it's my favorite.
Speaker 2:I pray that we all, we all, can find that on a daily basis. You know one small thing just to be amused at and be joyful about, just you know, to celebrate being alive. It's those little things, you know. Spirituality is not about meditation. Spirituality is about being present in your life. I mean, that's what we're here in these bodies to learn is to be present and to embrace it all. You know the darkness and the light. The darkness comes so that we can find the light, and you know that's that's. We all feel that from time to time, and you know more so it seems like daily life is getting harder and harder for some people. But you have to be able to let go and find that space again where you can play and be joyful, because then it brings you back to that possibility that you can create your life how you want it. You can find joy, you can find that wonder and that playfulness that in you know, in simple things like learning how to grate cheese with your Cuisinart, saved me so much time.
Speaker 1:Especially since we have this really crappy cheese grater and for some reason I don't ever remember to buy a new one. That's better, but now that I found the Cuisinart like I don't need to buy it, I had it in my vicinity the whole time, just like whatever we need to heal is in our vicinity the whole time, absolutely.
Speaker 2:It's just having the tools.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's a great tool.
Speaker 2:So you know, that's what we're here to remind you about.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and what you're saying reminds me of like the importance of contrast and the importance of like taking the time to practice tools so that you live your life spiritually connected. It's like hopping in and out, like you're hopping into your toolbox for like five minutes so that you can live five hours more committed than like hopping into meditation or hopping into journaling or having like a one hour coaching session or a one hour class with you and so that you can live three days connected, so you can live a week connected. And so it's not about I love how you said that, because it's not about like living in the tools all the time. It's about like hopping in and out.
Speaker 2:Right To where you realize oh, this is part of me. You know, it's like I tell my patients, my clients. It's like brushing your teeth. You're not going to only do that and you're not only doing it to prevent cavities. You want your teeth to be there so that you can talk correctly, so you can chew your food. So you know, your whole body depends on your teeth being healthy. But your whole body depends on your spine being healthy because it supports you and your, your spiritual, um, body being healthy. So because it, it defines you, it, it you create through it, I mean, it's part of who you are and that's what I'm here to remind you is that it's not something weird or ooey, gooey or woohoo. It really is a part of who we are, an important part of who we are, and the more that you can use this and bring it into your life, it just helps life be more full, be more seamless, you know, and you can enjoy that better. So that's a thing you know that we can also explore is how do we, when and how do we run our energy? When and how do we journal, when and how do we meditate? You know, those are the things that people ask you know, how often should I be doing this? And the way that I like to do it, honestly, is I, when I first wake up, I'm grateful and I say thank you so much for this beautiful life and I, whatever comes to my consciousness, instead of like you know, because sometimes you wake up and you go, oh, I have to get up. Of. Like you know, cause sometimes you wake up and you go, oh, I have to get up I turn that around and say thank you for another day, you know, being grateful that I'm here. And then I hear the birds and I say thank you so much for these beautiful birds and the song that they sing to bring me joy, you know so, and sometimes it's nothing more than thank you for my bed, because I don't want to get out of my bed. Thank you for my bed. I'm so grateful that I have a bed and a wonderful home and you know I'm safe and happy. So I start there and then I run my energy.
Speaker 2:Alessandra and I had this challenge one time where we just said, okay, we're going to run our energy every morning and we would just run it in bed or sit up and run it. You know, get to sit in the chair and then run your energy, so making those those things where you, those places where you know you're going to be. So I run my energy for 10 minutes at least, sometimes 20, in the morning, and then I'll usually do it at lunch when I have a break, and then I'll do it again in the evening when I'm sitting on my bed before I lay down, so that you have a few minutes and you know, start with a few minutes, two minutes to start with, Set a timer and do it for two minutes of those three times of the day and then get up to where you can run it. You know longer and longer. And then the other thing I tell people is do it when you're in the restroom, because we all have to do that, our bodies demand that we use the restroom. So when you're in there, take another extra minute After you're done and zipped up and everything, take another extra minute to run your energy, or even just a few moments, because then you'll find more and more that you're finding these spaces and it's like you.
Speaker 2:You crave these moments where you can do that. And you know when I like if I had a light, and I know this light's going to be really long. I'll close my eyes for a few seconds and just check on my grounding cord or blow some roses, and you know. So. Create to create these spaces where you can find your space more and more, because it really helps you when you do. It's like being able to take a little nap in the middle of the day. You know if you have an extra half hour, 20 minutes or whatever. So that's how, that's how I do it, and I also tell people when you're first learning, put stickies everywhere and then change those stickies. You know, put one in your bathroom, put one on your refrigerator, put one on your dashboard. You know, put one at your desk on your computer, and you mean post-it notes. Yes, sticky, that's what I call stickies. Yeah, sticky notes.
Speaker 1:Yeah, just in case anybody's like what are stick, come on, that's a great name yeah I love it now we can all call them stickies.
Speaker 1:That's great, absolutely yeah and I think this is a great segue into an exciting offer that you and I have. October 5th, which is a saturday from one to four, dr Debbie and I are hosting Awaken Retreat, and the theme of this Awaken Retreat is going to be rest, restore and rejuvenate. And we have Jodi Shields joining us as well. She's a yoga teacher and a massage therapist, and the day is going to unfold with a opening and then a workshop by yours truly, and then Jodi Shields is going to take us through a yoga practice and then, dr Debbie, you're going to share some psychic tools with us.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, I'm excited for this one because we're all in this place where we can truly use this mini retreat. It's a good time because, as we were talking about you know, it's the beginning of fall, of autumn, where we're kind of gathering up all our nourishment, our little nuts and you know, to store away for the winter, where we're going to do a lot of inner work, and so it's a perfect time to regain all of that nourishment that we need in our physical bodies and in our spirit to get through this deep meditation time during winter. So I'm excited for this and looking forward to sharing this with you all.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it's going to be at my office downtown, and Jodi's yoga practice during this retreat is going to be very restorative, focused, and so will the workshop that I'm leading, and winter is the time to go within and to let things percolate and to give yourself time to rest, and so this is like the perfect launch for this kind of a retreat, and we'll have yummy snacks and you'll leave this retreat feeling connected to yourself, calm and like you have some tools that you can practice daily that are really going to make a big difference in your life. Yeah, and you're going to feel more connected to yourself. You're going to feel connected to others that you met at that retreat, because the right people always seem to be attracted.
Speaker 2:They always do, and I love how they forge these relationships.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, it's nice. And then you're going to feel connected to source, you're going to feel connected to the universe, and when you find that connection, when you find that clarity, everything else becomes so much easier and we will have a follow-up too right?
Speaker 2:Yes, Included.
Speaker 1:Yes, we will include a follow-up called an energy check session, right be 30 minutes a week after the retreat, in which Dr Debbie and I are going to check in with you and see if you have any questions, if anything in particular has come up, and to check the energy of the group on a spiritual level.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So it's great to bring us back into the present. Whenever you make changes spiritually, your physical body needs to catch up. So that's what the energy check is about is about bringing us back into the present and allowing us to kind of validate all the big shifts that we're going to make through the retreat that we're doing. And last time, whoa, I can tell you, so many of you made huge shifts in their lives and we saw that massive growth and awareness for people coming into themselves after that retreat. It was really really amazing and absolutely more than we ever expected. So we're excited to do this again and hope that you can join us for that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and so again, it'll be on Saturday, october 5th. You can find a link to sign up in the show notes. You'll be able to find a link at mrshardcom. You'll also be able to find a link in my bio on Instagram at mrshard. Underscore times no more. And where can people find?
Speaker 2:you, dr Debbie, so people can find me at my website is drdvsdccom. That's drdvsdccom and I'm on Instagram at oh gosh, I forgot my handle, but we'll put it in. There's a Dr Debbie one and there's a Debbie Victoria Clairvoyant, and then I have a personal one, debbie Victoria Seal, as well.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and this retreat is also going to have a limit of eight people who can join, eight spots available, so you'll really want to jump on getting into this retreat, absolutely, and we'll have it open and registration will be available by the time that this podcast launches. All right, thank you so much, dr Debbie, for sharing so much with us today.
Speaker 2:It's always so fun. It's just amazing how things unfold with us and all of you. I'm just really grateful to have you here with us. I can hear you all and see you all in your gratitude and in your grace. Keep up the good work and know that you're doing it exactly how you need to. So be easy on yourself and love yourself as we love you. Take care, all right, thank you, bye, bye.