Hard Times No More Relationship Podcast

Beyond Burnout: How to Move from Awareness to Action with Peace of Mind- Ep. 45

• Allesanda Tolomei-Hard • Season 1 • Episode 45

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Feeling burnt out from having too much on your plate? 
Are there people who need you constantly—whether at work or in your family? 
Trust me, you’re not alone. 

Setting boundaries can be hard, and taking time for self-care can feel next to impossible when time is short. It can feel like pushing through is the only option, hoping the universe will eventually hand you a break.

Today, I want to share a few reminders to help you create more peace and acceptance in your life right now. Let's make space for what truly matters—starting with you.

Ready to ease your anxiety and set kind, loving boundaries, so you can prioritize yourself without guilt? 
Click here to schedule your FREE 1:1 Stress Relief Coaching Session

Chat with me on Instagram @Mrs.Hard_TimesNoMore

Find your peace Mrs-Hard.com

Speaker 1:

Hi, I'm Alessandra Tolome Hard, aka Mrs Hard, and this is Hard Times no More, a podcast for people who are tired of struggling with boundaries, people-pleasing and relationship problems. I have overcome some hard times. Within three years, I stopped drinking, my mom died of cancer and my house burnt down in a California wildfire, and those are just the highlights. I have a lot of reasons to be miserable, but I'm not. The truth is, life was more challenging before these events happened. If you are tired of waiting for your circumstances to change to find happiness and peace of mind, you are in the right place. Join me as I share the tools I use in love to transform challenges into assets and interview others about their relationship journeys. Together, let's learn how to have a happy life full of healthy, meaningful relationships and say goodbye to hard times for good. Hey everyone, welcome to the Hard Times no More Relationship Podcast. I'm Alessandra Ptolemy-Hard, aka Mrs Hard, your host. So I know it's been a while since I've recorded a podcast and that is because I've been going through some really deep internal healing, emotionally and physically, the last six weeks and I'm not really ready to talk about the full story. But I'm excited to be here back on the podcast today.

Speaker 1:

During this time, I had to take a step back. I paused the podcast, I paused showing up on social media and a couple of extracurricular things that I have been doing, just to take some much needed time to go within, because it's very important to me that I practice what I preach in terms of taking space for myself. The same way, I suggest that people I work with take space for themselves. And this time was kind of funny because at the beginning, when I was feeling the calling to go within and to stop doing so much and to stop putting myself out there like I normally do, it felt like I was having this conversation with the universe, where the universe was telling me all right, it's time for you to slow down and stop. And my response back to the universe was no, this isn't a good time, I have too many things to do, I'm very busy, people need me and it's very inconvenient for me to pause my life right now. But I felt it in my body, I felt it spiritually that I had two options where I could, on my own will decide to stop and slowly let things go, because this was a process of letting things go or, if I continued what I was doing, the universe would find a way to stop me, and we've all had that experience before. You know, sometimes your back goes out, sometimes you get sick. You know the universe has a way of forcing you to stop when you don't want to, and I've been around the block enough times to know that I would rather do it in a way that's in compliance and a mutual loving way with the universe and my higher power, instead of ignoring these signs and symptoms and continuing full speed ahead and then setting the stage for the universe to force me into submission. So one of the successes of this time was that there wasn't a huge breakdown. There wasn't anything catastrophic that I was just called to take some much needed space and time to process so much. And, like I said, there will be a time where I go more into this and talk about it openly. But the dust is still settling, so it's not the right time right now.

Speaker 1:

But today I do want to share about something I heard a couple of weeks ago, and it's a slogan from Al-Anon awareness, acceptance, action. This slogan really struck me because when I heard this, I thought about all the times I move from awareness meaning something's wrong, something needs to change to action without considering acceptance and I believe that acceptance is the healer of so many things. It is the answer to so many problems, and I can look back on my life and see many, many times where I jumped from awareness to action, trying to solve or fix a problem, rather than taking some intentional time to create acceptance. And once you take intentional time to create acceptance, usually your action is different and it doesn't have as many repercussions. For example, if you're going from awareness to action because you want to help a loved one, a family member, fix or solve a problem, you may choose an action that perpetuates their need to depend on you, versus accepting where they are at this time in life, in this season of life, who they are and their willingness to change or not change.

Speaker 1:

Also, if you're applying this to yourself, if you don't consider acceptance, accepting your energy level, how you're feeling in your current life situation, you may create a rigid schedule for yourself, trying to create more control because you're feeling uncomfortable, because you're aware that something isn't going well or that you don't have enough energy. Control because you're feeling uncomfortable, because you're aware that something isn't going well or that you don't have enough energy or that you're feeling burnt out, and so the action might be caffeine it might be. I need to organize my entire schedule and create control so that I can manage this, instead of accepting that you're human and that you may need to take a different action or reduce the amount of action in your life to find peace, to heal and to process whatever you're going through. And so that slogan really struck me, and I want to talk a little bit more about it today and talk about how you can cultivate more acceptance in your life so that the actions you take steer you in the direction that you actually want to go, instead of continuing to repeat patterns in your life that aren't serving you. So I want you to think of a time in your life when you felt burnt out or overwhelmed. Maybe you feel that way now. Maybe you're remembering a past time where you were already doing too much and said yes to too many things and agreed to help, let's say, your dad clean his garage and reorganize it. You agreed to plan a birthday party for your best friend or your kid, and then you agreed to take a trip with your partner, and the trip you're going on isn't exciting. It's really just becoming one more thing you have to do and overwhelming. Trip you're going on isn't exciting, it's really just becoming one more thing you have to do and overwhelming because you don't really have the energy to show up the way you want to in life right now. And so, long story short, you've put other needs ahead of your own, and this is so easy, especially if your life is a go, go, go kind of life and you don't feel like you have a lot of time in the season of life you're in, or you just don't tend to find it easy to take a lot of time to pause and consider is this really what you want for yourself? What is your energy like right now? How are you feeling right now? Is this right for you?

Speaker 1:

Instead of needing to fix somebody else or a problem or create a solution, instead of accepting how you are feeling, giving yourself permission to take things off your plate, to take a pause or accept another person as they are, instead of trying to fix them, help them be healthier, pay their bills on time, go to physical therapy, eat a vegetable, make their life easier at the expense of your own mental health and well-being. And your mind may be telling you. You know you're not really as bad off as this other person. They definitely need help and you're the one that they rely on. Or you may have a mantra that goes on during those times of like I will get through this, I can get through this, I will push through.

Speaker 1:

But the need to push power through, fix and control can be a sign that there's a lack of acceptance. These things can be distractions. Other people can be distractions. Saying yes to many things and perpetuating the feelings of burnout in your life can actually be a distraction from taking the space and time to really sit with your feelings. I've at times asked people when feelings are coming up, what are you afraid of? And sometimes people are afraid of getting stuck in the feeling and never coming out of it. Or they have a limiting belief a belief that's not really true that if they keep on overworking, that they'll be financially secure, that if they control their parent or control their kids, then everyone in their life will be happy, stable and secure, when really they don't have a lot of true control over that.

Speaker 1:

And sometimes we use these distractions in a way to validate our worth instead of finding worthiness from within ourself, and I feel like our culture and just the way so many of us have been raised has led us to put a lot of value on what other people think. It's a very natural human experience and emotion to be concerned about that, and it's good to remember and check in with yourself that, like, those external validations may be driving you in the direction that you don't really want to go, and it can be a little bit more challenging to find your worth from within. And to find your worth maybe from a higher power or the universe or something that is a little bit easier to grasp is like if you look at your best friend and I know I've talked about things like this on previous podcasts but when you look at your best friend, do you think that your best friend needs to prove their worthiness by being of service to others, or do you believe that they're worthy because they're a wonderful person and they deserve worthiness just like a human birthright? When you look at it like that, you can transfer that same compassion you would have for your best friend to yourself, and when you make that time and that space to cultivate acceptance, which is really being present, it may lead to another layer of awareness and shift the direction, that of where you're heading, moving you off of the hamster wheel into the direction that you really want to go in life so that you can experience a more balanced life inside and out. Because a lot of us talk about how we really want inner peace and for some reason our mind will trick us into believing that inner peace will come when our life is in order, when you have control over the uncontrollable people, places and things. But really that inner peace comes from within and it comes when you have that acceptance of things exactly the way they are and you're not needing external circumstances to change for you to find happiness way they are and you're not needing external circumstances to change for you to find happiness. And with my clients and people I work with, one of the big things that moves the needle is releasing the need for external validation and coming back to yourself and doing things to cultivate that feeling of worthiness from within, elevate that feeling of worthiness from within and, like I said, that can come from a connection to higher power, to God, to the universe, and recognizing that it's okay to have the full range of human emotions.

Speaker 1:

It's okay to feel tired. When it's inconvenient to be tired, it's okay to cancel commitments when it's inconvenient, if you're not able to show up as your best self and you find yourself sacrificing your wellbeing for the greater good of others. Also, when it comes to caretaking, you know, allowing a certain amount of time to be devoted to caretaking and then making sure that you have a check and balance system where you're filling your cup as you give and so that you're not giving from an empty cup. So that can look like getting a massage, going to a coaching session, going to your favorite yoga class, signing up for a retreat, whatever it is that fills your cup. It doesn't have to be something big. It can be even journaling or drawing at home, or coloring in a coloring book or reading a murder mystery. There are so many things that you can implement throughout your day.

Speaker 1:

It also doesn't have to be an all or nothing shift where like, oh, these people really drain me, so I have to cut them off, and then I have to join a 30-day silent meditation retreat and that's how I'm going to get my life in order. Like that is where control shows up again and that can be a lack of acceptance. You know, sometimes you do got to cut people off, but it's better to first get right with yourself and then see if that is still the right action for you. And that's how you find more peace and balance is once again cultivating that from within, doing things that bring you joy, whatever that looks like for you, and not needing to prove your worth or your validation and get confirmation from external sources. And so when you take those actions, there's less pushing, there's less forcing, there's less needing to keep it all together and there's more presence in your life, so you can really soak in the sacred time that you spend with your family, with your partner, with your kids, walking in nature, whatever brings you joy and connection.

Speaker 1:

So today, after you listen to this podcast, I want to encourage you to take some time to pause and check in with yourself. How have you been sleeping over the past couple of days or couple of weeks? Sleep can be a huge indicator of your mental health in terms of if you're not sleeping well, you may have too much on your plate and you may be stuck in fight or flight. I probably don't have to tell you that, you may already know it. And then, if you do have trouble sleeping and it's a chronic thing are you taking enough time in your daily life to balance that out, like, can you take an afternoon nap or can you take time to meditate? But sleep can be a huge indicator that something within you isn't going well, especially if you've had a pattern of sleeping well for a period of time and then your sleep becomes disrupted for several weeks. And then how have you been feeling? You know, sometimes, as a caretaker, you may be focusing so much on how others are doing and feeling. Are you taking time to acknowledge your feelings? Are you needing something to support your feelings during this time? And so, once again, to recap awareness, acceptance, action.

Speaker 1:

Awareness is becoming aware of your feelings, your body and if any part of you is tired, burnt out or needing something. In particular, acceptance is all about accepting yourself, embracing your own limits, not needing to be the strong one or the perfect one or the one that gets it all done, and allowing yourself the same space and grace you would your best friend, allowing yourself to be human and take time for yourself without guilt. If you're needing a little bit of acceptance around someone else, it's recognizing that you cannot control or change another's behavior or response and then making actions in alignment with that, so serving your highest good over sacrificing yourself to appease others. And if you're needing to process this deeper, I am accepting one-on-one clients right now and this is something we get into. I'm really good at helping people create boundaries and transform challenging relationships, because it only takes one to change a relationship. There is a way to find peace and acceptance with other people and allow the relationship that is best for both of you to come forward, and finding that is so much easier when you have guidance from somebody who's been through that many, many times.

Speaker 1:

And then, after you find acceptance, moving into action. And the ironic thing here is that sometimes the acceptance you find makes it so that you no longer feel the need to take action. It can relieve you of feeling the need to do something to fix someone or something. And other times, finding acceptance first will validate your intuition, it'll validate what you felt, it'll create a lot of clarity about the next right action for you, and that next right action will be of the caliber of the vibration that is going to take you in the direction of where you want to go in life, instead of perpetuating a cycle that you've tried to break out of many, many times before.

Speaker 1:

And this is a great time to consider the slogan awareness, acceptance, action because we're going into the holidays and if you're somebody who loves to help others, the holidays can be extra stressful because you're trying to navigate family dynamics, you're trying to make sure everyone feels included and happy with how the holidays are going. You may feel like there's a lot of expectations, to buy presents, to make a bunch of food, to show up to multiple gatherings, and so let's start laying the groundwork now to create more stability from within you and so that you can decide what's right for you as the holidays approach and then you can be very present for the holidays. Because, how I see it is like the goal for most people isn't to create more distance by taking time for yourself. It's actually going to create more connection because, like I've said before, when you take time for yourself, when you fill your own cup, it doesn't mean that you're selfish and that's all you're doing all day. Every day is just filling your cup more for you, your cup overflows and you're a naturally giving person and you need to acknowledge that about yourself, and acknowledging that can really take the pressure off of you feeling like you need to do enough. Instead, you can trust the process and trust that you know when you have the energy to give, you show up 110% and things go so much more smoothly and easier. You don't find that you're as resentful or as stressed, and then you get to really be present with the people you love and the activities you choose to do. In my mind, it's about having it all. You know you get to show up, but you get to feel good doing it instead of burnt out.

Speaker 1:

So, moving forward from here, I'm not sure how often I'm going to be recording a podcast over the next couple of months.

Speaker 1:

There is a special project that I'm going to start working on behind the scenes, and that's why the podcast is going to be a little bit more fluid for a little while.

Speaker 1:

And so if you're on my email list, you will get notifications when podcast episodes are available. If you subscribe to this podcast, you will get a when podcast episodes are available. If you subscribe to this podcast, you will get a notification when episodes are available, and if you follow me on Instagram at mrshardtimes underscore no more you'll see it on my stories when a new episode is available, so you won't miss out. I want to thank you for being part of this community, and if you're listening to this, you're most likely a caretaker in one capacity or another, and the world is so lucky to have you, and I'm so excited for you to take some space to really check in with yourself and see what you need, and I hope that you heard something that will remind you to put yourself first and to find your worthiness from within, so I look forward to talking to you next time. Until then, take care.